Monday, February 22, 1993

Aquaman Vs. Aquarian

``Who is more Jesus Christ-like?``
 how about that as a sub-title 
(no subby reference nor pun inferred here, though - nope!)

First the two pretenders...
You know them well - you know who they are...

AQUAMAN

He`s a DC.

Looks like we blinked and missed a major DC/Marvel 
crossover event again - an umpteenth one! 
For it looks like Aquaman punching out Terrax here - 
the once and future herald of Galactus?
Yeah - that Terrax!
Unless it`s just good ol` Kalibak again...
Shades of Super Powers...!


AQUARIAN

He`s a Marvel (or a Timely?)

Very luminous fella, we must say...
We like his style - because it is *our* style, primarily! 
Long-haired new-style (new wave?) hippie 
for the New Age...!
Garbed all in white - like we would everyday...
if we could! Or if we dared...
And with... well, weird, not-easily defined 
magical powers...


AQUAMAN 
is a team player.
As such, when he acquired magical powers 
or, shall we say, properties of his own, 
he sort of became the de facto transporter of the group 
as well as the much-sought after and preferred option 
to deal with (mostly undo) magic spells 
placed upon the most powerful members 
of the Justice League - 
basically nullifying their powers; aye, 
those were the glory days of the water hand!

Talk to The Hand...

which acted basically the same as this does: 


And isn`t it funny that this is ``beyond a bandage`` 
- as both Aquaman and (especially) Aquarian 
remind us of The Beyonder with all this 
healing stuff...!!!

It made sense that an AQUAMAN would have such a 
HEALING HAND - in the form of a WATER HAND!
And as the ``Waterbearer`` Aquaman was 
totally the League`s very own... Aquarian! 

Before Aquaman got a haircut and saw this cool 
water hand being bestowed upon himself 
by the Lady of the Lake herself, 
he had long hair and a beard to match - 
the exact same look adopted by the 
Aquarian in his next evolutive stage; 
his last evolutive stage, it would appear!
For he has achieved perfection itself:
looking like an Angel for some, 
like The Seraph for certain DC fans,
and like The Christ Himself for others 
(such as... us!)
and being non-violent while resolving conflicts
in ways the Sea King (in his function of regal diplomat)
can only dream of ever attaining!
Plus, ``Wundarr`` The Aquarian 
doubles as a hors-pair persuader too...
(we cannot stop thinking, though, ``Wundarr`` 
being a name purposely intended to be 
the complete opposite of 
Thundarr The Barbarian -
 doubly ironic since the latter looks more civilized 
and evolved now, being clean-shaven 
for the cartoon crowd; and, on top of that, 
Aquaman was likened to a sort of 
``Conan of the Seas`` in his days with a beard 
and ``harpoon hand`` that was replaced by the 
healing waterbearer hand - during the PAD era!)



UPDATE: TRIPLE IRONY... since they cast a gruffy, buffy (?) actor 
to become AQUAMAN - the exact same guy who was CONAN 
The Barbarian in the 2011 remake of that film...!




Aquaman`s Jesus Aura 
stems most of all from his great resemblance with 
all the sea deities he is effectively replacing: 
Poseidon... Greek god of the ocean!
Aegir... sea deity of the Norsemen!
Neptune, Roman god of the ocean and mere
diluted rip-off is, ironically, replaced by the other guy; 
you know who - the one who was conceived as a 
anti-carbon copy of Superman, just to avoid any 
and all possible lawsuits...? 
This creative type off the coast of Maine - Bill -
was somewhat paranoid about those...
Mort Weisinger and his buddy Paul Norris 
had no such concerns, from their lofty offices 
in high-rise buildings in NYC...
But that`s another story!


The Sea King`s look morphs with time, 
incorporating elements of Atlantean lore 
(reputedly, they are - and this is since the publication 
of the Atlantis Chronicles
drawn by Esteban Maroto 
and reputedly written by Peter David - 
but weren`t they all written for him already? 
Suspension of disbelief is strong here... lol)


Aquaman remains a team player, despite the mood swings 
and royal temperament coming to the surface, too... 
Aquarian, however, only ever teamed up with one other 
``superhero`` - and that is his pal Ben Grimm...
That`s right: the blue-eyed, ever lovin` Thing!
We see him relaxing with his family on the beach here, 
with that pale carbon copy of an Ubermensch 
looking on in abject and pathetic envy...


Some fans completely ignored Aquarian and went straight to Aquaman 
when it came time to concoct another one of them 
``who would win if they fight for no reason at all`` 
...ah... contests of champions, shall we say...?


Aquaman versus The Thing - 
a pointless match-up of two hard-luck heroes!
They should be buddies, actually...! 
(Team up and take down irksome pointy ears there  
- and Solomon Grundy!)
Knowing them as we do, though, it is clear 
that neither one would want to ``buddy up`` here...
It truly would be clobbering time!
But that is another story again...


In other incarnations (not reincarnations) 
Aquaman may approach the level of sanctity required though: 
the Aquaman of Australia circa 2055 or so (?) 
and the Aquaman 1 Million dude, from planet Neptune 
both appear to be ultra-cool under pressure...
Such tremendous inner peace emanated from the latter! 
And the former was just plain cool - mate!
Not our Sea King, though: he`s a hot head...


Plus, with the myriad of alternative timelines, 
multiplicity of universes (boy, what an oxymoron!) 
so many alternative facts (!!!) depending on the time 
or the space occupied by whatever incarnation 
of these characters, on any given publication 
(and at any alleged scribe`s slightest whim and fancy) 
AQUAMAN may have been... Adulterous Aquaman. 
On MORE than ONE occasion too...
There is no such sin on the record of our Aquarian here.


Aye, the fact of the matter remains, 
despite the looks and colors matching with Christ, oftentimes, 
deep down (!) Aquaman`s temperament is more akin to 
that of a Ben Grimm indeed 
(ironically enough amalgamated with that of Casanova!)
- while the Marvel here, Aquarian, is totally Christ-like.




Truly, the only thing missing for Aquarian 
to fully achieve the Christ rip-offery, 
is for him to sacrifice himself 
for the good cause...


Winner, therefore: 
AQUARIAN.

Aquaman could be his St. Peter though... lol


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