King Of The Box-Office!

Back in the 1960s, Aquaman was oh-so briefly hailed as both "King of The Sea and of TV!" when his cartoon show proved popular enough for one season or two... Aqua Anna remembers it well - don't you, Ana? Hey - how could it fail with Ted Knight's intro - right? Alas, we had to wait until 2019, really, to be able to go to the next logical step and proclaim him "King of the Seven Seas - and King of the Box-Office too!" 

I swear... that Grace and Momoa (below) 

reek of Aqua Anna and I... finally getting along? 

RESPECT! (without the moolah, though...!) 

BE AWARE. THOUGH: this will be one extra-lengthy update... one ultra-long post/edition of... aqua musings! Not because we took too long to pen it, nor due to any other delays; simply because so much water has gone under that bridge taken by hordes of ignorant baboons - and there are so many of those, out there - eh? My - you'd think we already are on the Planet of the Apes...! "Surface-Dwellers" right? Nothing too evolved - not like Atlanteans! (Well, most of them anyway; but let's not go there now!) Aye, too much ignorance out there - even when faced with the truth, AT LAST: that Aquaman, Mera and their Atlantis are, quite simply, fantastic (and, no: not in a Fantastic Four way!) and that they deserve to rule not just the DCEU but all of genre films now...!!! The facts are all in and it is all very clear: alas, the ignorance of the masses about this remains... and it is buoyant too! 

Like that ignorant flamer of a runt who posted, very early on when all the DCEU movie projects were first announced: "oh yeah, and I can't wait for that movie most of all... AQUA MAN!" Oh yeah? How is that poor turd feeling now that the movie came out and it has eclipsed virtually every other super-hero movie ever made in terms of box-office - AND totally so (every other "MAN") in sheer QUA-lity now... How foolish do we feel now, HUH? What about the writers behind Big Bang Theory: those who scripted Leonard replying "Oh, Sheldon, come on; Aquaman?!?" when the latter professed that he wanted to read that book to be able to proclaim that he was an Aquaman "before he was cool" - meaning "cool in the moronic masses' eyes" of course! And what of those masses: that bought into Seth MacFarlane's ignorant farcical turn or Bob Costas' poor comprehension of the character or any other idiot come-down-the-pike's view on this hero...?!?

Aye, the public's ignorance comes to the surface (ha) once again, as the questions coming up on Google's shores (haha) show it plainly and abundantly: there are many fish in the sea indeed (hahaHA!) 

BY AEGIR - they are not even aware of who the actor is who has been portraying him for THREE YEARS now! It is not, of course, that the public is so piss-poor ignorant about this particular fictional character - as we've said countless times, here on aqua musings, what annoys the most is that these masses of walking, talking (and, unfortunately, computer-literate... somehow) blobs of ignorance dare to be judgmental, on top of that...! And they dare to share their drivel online! They know nothing of this guy, the fickle industry or anything else really and yet some of them dared to call it: "the movie will bomb so badly" - "death of the DCEU" - "I can't believe they're making a movie about this joke character"...  Huh? Excuse me? Did you mean The Joker character, perhaps? Because his movie is coming up too, yes - in October, starring Joaquin Phoenix! Ha Ha Ha! Joke's on you... booger! 

Other extremely improvised "reviewers" will attempt to surmise a critique on the basis of originality, professionalism... quality. These nincompoops fall into two categories: idiots without a clue and bastards with an agenda. The first category (that's the clueless; try and follow, idiots - because it is about you now!) know nothing about the story that was adapted onto screen almost ad verbatim - they think they are criticizing a screenplay's twists when they are, in fact, bashing the original tale told in comic-book form by Geoff Johns (which is among the best comic-booky sagas of the last 25 years - easily!) --- idiots! Then they try their distasteful blend of incomprehension and sheer idiocy at judging the end result they see on screen: being neither apt nor qualified to properly assess how the film was directed, enhanced via computer-generated imagery, scored or even produced! ... idiots!!! Finally, they attack the overall value of the Aquaman film - it is, in truth, the apotheose (why don't you Google that, neanderthals!) of this sub-genre that is the "super-hero movie" - but some see it otherwise! They call it derivative of things that came AFTER THE SOURCE MATERIAL: Mera, for example, is the original redhead of the seas in popular culture. Yet, some will invariably throw in references to The Little Mermaid, to knock it down - Disney's Little Mermaid - duh! Hey, morons: the Little Mermaid was maybe blonde, maybe brunette (depending on the edition...) but never a redhead in the original  Hans Christian Andersen fairy tale! (Not that the color of one's hair is at all important; just look at the dichotomy between DC Aquaman and DCEU Aquaman - but that is another story!) Same thing with the villain Black Manta: one look at his helmet, and the peabrains think "Power Rangers - uh!" - this when Black Manta predates them all and Darth Vader for Christ's sake!!! IDIOTS! 

As for that second category there - the bastards with an agenda - they can be legitimate goofballs without a clue or they are so on purpose - refusing to familiarize themselves with this Aquaman character that is, after all, from the enemy camp - their enemy, that is! They are clearly from the Marvel side of things: those nerds who suffered from a deep (!) inferiority complex for so long, as virtually all of their side's feeble attempts at adapting the supposedly "Marvelous" material they so enjoyed onto live action failed miserably - year after year, decade after decade!  While DC got it right as early as 1978, with Superman! And now, in 2018, they perfect it to the utmost degree, with Aquaman! Of course there will be envious jerks from the competition's side trying to destroy this accomplishment - and of course they will fail miserably, too - and once again, actually! (Shades of Ghost Rider --- LOL) 

Those wetrats with an agenda, though - they will now spout out such utter rubbish; pretending that they initiated the genre when they did not, they will, in turn, accost a film that improves on every aspect of the (already tired) formula -like Aquaman unquestionably does-  and try and dismiss it as derivative, imitative and inconsistent...?!? (Everything a Marvel movie is - verily!) 

Complete and total utter nonsense as well as a nasty double-standard: Marvel can do no wrong - right? Marvel can invest in a cornucopia of throwaway characters (wow - told like Stan Lee would have said it - almost!) such as Ant-Man, Guardians of the Galaxy, Doctor Strange, Black Panther - there were even rumors they were doing The Inhumans... for the big screen! Wow; so many characters with next to no appeal at all; next-to-nothing interesting about them or their respective universes!!!  (One has just to look at their source material, too - make it the pre-movie development years material, please! Just for a fairer, truer feel...!) And they all got a pass - no one, absolutely none of those biased morons out there (they know who they are!!!) called it "a surefire bomb!" And yet - the Inhumans sure did bomb - did they not? And they bombed in spectacular fashion, too - on the small screen! All of the rest were suspected to be just one-shot deals until the hordes of Marvel Zombies, overindulging in their drug, made it possible to even think of a sequel - for all but one (the quack!)  And so... in a film industry more and more guided by word-of-mouth, bizarre campaigns led by misunderstanding audiences who wouldn't know quality cinematography if it bit them in the rear end but are so very apt to carry on an agenda through all means at their disposal... Aquaman dominating as he is now is nothing short of a miracle and true JUSTICE - at last! And it was sorely needed after what happened to his Justice League last year... y'know! 

The naysayers do not let up, however - Morris The Moron, who writes for the supposedly prestigious New York Times, asked "why did they even bother?" seeing as, in his inept vision, Aquaman "owes" so much to Avatar, Thor, Black Panther and "an ancient British legend" that he wouldn't even name --- oh, wow; the pits of imbecility gets paid to write things like this; while I blog for free...!!! Well then, here is, coming right up, your comeuppance for this, dumb commoner, in the form of my official retort to this affront (I did reply to it elsewhere on the web already, of course - and I hope I was not the only one enlightening Morris there...! Morris never to be confused with a Mort - of course!) 

Aquaman may appear to have a lot of similarities with a lot of different things out there - to the untrained eye, yes - but here is a quick reset for your brains, detractors: Atlantis predates all of it. Aquaman follows a legend that was written about by Plato (follow the link, neophytes; don't be afraid of drowning now!) and that was better than even Norse mythology - which is what Thor is supposed to be, but the Marvel crap is, really, but a parody of it... really! Avatar is nothing like Atlantis - do not insult Atlantis so... capisce? And as for the "British legend" (it's Arthurian, Morris - Arthurian!) well; early on in the film and throughout Aquaman tales from the past several decades, the reasoning was that Aquaman got the name "Arthur" because he was, indeed, destined to be a king just like King Arthur. It is called resonance. Read up about it! In no way is this trying to steal from that other myth and legend; it is not a sword in a stone, after all, but a trident in a (spoilers!) corpse, really...!!! And guess what, Morrrrris: that Lady of the Lake there? She has a hell of a lot more in common with Aquaman than she ever did with anyone at Camelot!!! (I can just imagine how he would choke on his latte if he ever finds out that Aquaman got to become the "Waterbearer" when he actually did meet that Lady of the Lake, just a short decade ago or so...! LOL) 

"Drown, ignorant fools... DROWN!" 

(We sure do hope to see this version of the Lady - in the sequel!) 

Oh, I'm sorry... Did I forget somebody? OH YES... Black Panther! Well then... Every story of a "king being called to take up the throne" tends to be similar - right? In which case, one has to choose which kind of royalty you are partial to... You see, France guillotined their royals. Et Vive La France! Ha. The land of my ancestors - Portugal - a true waterlogged nation with actual sea people in the real world there - they did away with their royal family too. We all wondered what happened to Anastasia and the Russian royals - her little brother was rumored to have survived that massacre, too... (He did not.)  But in the land of make-believe, legend and myth - what are you gonna give the edge to, really: mythical Atlantis or a made-up, totally fictional and absolutely unbelievable African nation called "Wakanda" - HUH?!?  

AQUAMAN's success is, in truth, the exact opposite of that of "B.P" there - well, very nearly so! Whereas that poor pathetic panther benefited from a homegrown support that verged upon the ridiculous from a myriad of film-goers celebrating not that character's mythos nor the film itself but, in truth, the alleged historical significance that the film's very existence had, for all the black lives that matter out there... It had a dismal performance overseas; being found profoundly uninteresting in China, for instance. AQUAMAN, for his part, had scored big time in China and the U.K. before even opening in the U.S.A. and Canada! (And many of the American morons -who are also Marvel Zombies-frowned upon supporting Aquaman; or completely misunderstood him! Figures that such an epic would totally blow past their little minds, of course! One chick called the film "crazy" - and she's supposed to be a refined critic, too! Thankfully, Aquaman did not need your help, peabrains!) For AQUAMAN proved to be an INTERNATIONAL HIT - while Black Panther was certainly not! AQUAMAN scored high with the audiences that appreciate creativity, imagination, CGI ingenuity and, in effect, true cinema magic - one that is devoid of any politico imbroglios that obfuscate one's perception of the actual merit of any given work of art! 

Plus: Aquaman's tale of ascension to the throne was his before Black Panther ever even came about - BP was just an extra on those Avengers that stole their name from the ITV classic series with John Steed and Emma Peel (probably they felt a non-powered, pseudo eccentric character could help further steal the magic aura of the original team - hmm?)  Aquaman had his queen, Mera, eons before the mutant -unnatural- pairing/mix-and-matching of old T'Challa there with the X-Men's "Storm" (playing the card of the uncultured -although it is merely pop culture obviously- and of the uninformed here - hey, it works for the Marvel Morons, so... I could say: "careful Panther; she's an X-Man! She could therefore be... formerly a man...!!!" ROTFLMREO --- take that, biased "fans" and your ilk! Eddie Murphy is COMING TO AMERICA... 2!)

Aquaman features a truly interesting character, too - one that could appeal to the masses that made "Black Panther" as great a hit as "Aquaman" is right now, too! His name is Black Manta. He is twice the character T'Challa is - and ten times that of "Killmonger" or whatever/whoever that other guy was...! (Please don't recruit him, DC - not even as "Sunshine Superman" - no!)  Rumor is that Yayha Abdul Mateen II had auditioned for the role of Lando Carlissian in "Solo - A Star Wars Story" (and I cannot imagine that he wouldn't have for a part in that all-black cast of "Black Panther" either!) but he was cut off there and got the seal of approval (!) only from the casting directors for "Aquaman" --- well, what do you know? It all turned out for the very best now, eh?  It is better to be part of the frank success of a great blend of Fantasy, Science-Fiction, with CGI being put to good use: bringing to life glorious Atlantis... than to have been enmeshed in Solo's failure *or* the tacked-on social relevance a movie didn't even have, really, creating a false phenomenon surrounding a film that had bad CGI, no story to tell in truth and zero appeal overall: and that is "Black Panther" for you! (Aren't you happy you asked, now...?) 

Aquaman is the purest super-hero there could be - one who does not pretend to be anything else other than a legend come to life. The concerns it arises are great (certainly the oceans' health are greater than your emancipation now, agreed, Africa Amiga?) but it does not pretend to be anything more than what it is: and what it is is "a super-hero movie that elevates the genre to the next level" - nothing less! No social movement baloney here - so, please, cut all ties to Black Panther already! Compare BP to what it truly ripped off: The Lion King! But that was okay, see: Disney owns both! Whatever you do, however, quit insulting the memories of Malcolm X and Martin Luther King by mentioning Black Panther and its director in the same breath...!!! BP will not do anything to advance the Black Lives Matter cause - and your lives will not matter more if you give your hard-earned money to Disney! You may want to root for Black Manta, however, in the Aquaman sequel... only up to a point, however! But that is another story...

That was what one critic - and his readers - had coming... Now for another! Who shall be getting it right on the chin this time, you think?  How about some Raj from Big Bang Theory wannabee? The guy who penned this other ill-informed, idiotic, abysmal (!) atrocity right here: 

"Eric"...? 

Oh - it was "INDIE" as in "INDEPENDENT" 

(and, it is assumed, free-thinking and coherent - 

but still able to be as moronic as the next dud!) 

not some hastily-put together outsourcing from India at all... 

STILL... just as dumb inept and clueless as that Raj character is! 

So this is supposed to be the wrath of Kohn or something here...? What is it, Eric - you're a revengeful crybaby like the director of that unwatchable Thor: Ragnarok crapfest? You cannot stand that Aquaman not only outperformed all the damned Thors - but that it needs no salvaging at all, really? You're mad that it is, in truth, immensely SUPERIOR to Thor - that sad sore! How will you react now that your pathetic attempt at producing an original (i.e. controversial) review is paired up with THIS - EVERYWHERE ON THE WEB - for all fanboys to see: 

The best accompanying comment is: 

that embarrassing moment when 

the movie deemed "unsalvageable" 

has surpassed the one deemed to be "it" 

in every category: quality, style and box-office tally!  

 Yes - see that? Third "top story" from the left... 

First from the right! 

Through all of this bullshit, James Wan 

remains civilized, calm and gentlemanly. 

It doesn't mean, however, that he doesn't get to a boil 

--- but it took the damnable Academy to get him riled up: 

Not "effing" - not fragging (sorry, Lobo!) 

no, let us not mince words here: 

it is a FUCKING DISGRACE. 

And this shall be avenged - somehow! 

By the Marine Marvel himself; 

The Marine Avenger; 

The Sea King: 

That sequel will obliterate what's left of Marvel 

right out of the water!  

A third (turd) "review" with that...? How about the moron who said that this "wasn't a bad ride - IF you can get past the hour and a half of world building" --- excuse me, WHAAAA-AAT?!? (I swear, idiots like those should be banned from sharing their thoughts with anyone else - BANNED FOR LIFE!)  The "world building" here is what sets this apart from all previous (so-called) "super-hero movies" - dummy! And let us be clear once and for all here: Aquaman is equal parts fantasy and science-fiction - it is NOT a STUPID "super-hero" movie like all of your favorites there!!! The super-hero aspect comes to the fore only at the very end - (spoilers!) when he comes out of the water and states, with the (fishy?) tail-end of his bookend narration, "I Am Aquaman!" With that in mind, now, what part of "exploration" is alien to you? It is essential to both the fantasy and sci-fi genres to explore new worlds, new horizons, new realms - and what did we have more fascinating, more magical, more tantalizing - EVER - on this Earth other than the fabled lost continent of ATLANTIS...? HUH?!? Not pathetic Asgard, Marvel-style - no! Not whatever psychedelic trip that odd quack was on - NO! Certainly not the quantum realm as presented by -of all things- an ANT-MAN - eff NO! And, as we've already established, not that shithole country (as your president said it so well!) called "Wakanda" either...! (It needs mentioning, perhaps: this goes, also, for the numerous "fake DC towns" like Metropolis, Star City, Central City, Fawcett City and that lousy crime-infested Gotham City - most of all! In sheer comparison, Aquaman has been to very real places, whenever he does hang out with the lowly polluting surface-dwellers, that is: Maine, Massachusetts, Michigan, Florida, California... heck, he visited the Boston Aquarium as a child!) 

ATLANTIS is tops on our list though - on anybody-with-a-brain's (or anybody-with-an-imagination's) list, certainly! 

ATLANTIS - the magical place! The lost continent - found again, resurfacing with a vengeance, really! The mythical legend that we have all found resonance in - admit it or not... dweebs! 

ATLANTIS is on par with everything ever "discovered" or "explored" in Star Wars... on Star Trek... Avatar too (the only cool thing about it - and the lone point in common between Aquaman and Avatar, really! It is the fantasy genre.) and several other films in this exact, very precise niche over the years: Dark Crystal, Labyrinth, Neverending Story, Lord of the Rings of course, the Hobbit films, the Sinbad films... Jason and the Argonauts! It is right up there with Blade Runner, Dune and Indiana Jones movies too! AQUAMAN incorporates elements from all of those, into one well-rounded blend; unlike Avengers, unlike any other super-hero ever could. And it is all due to ATLANTIS - a legend above all others exploited so far -by either Disney/Marvel or DC itself- and, no, Disney's animated film from years ago doesn't really count...! A live action ATLANTIS, as visually rendered by both Wan and Kelvin Mcllwain, enhanced with that stunning soundtrack by Rupert Gregson-Williams (which is what evokes Blade Runner at just the right time) topping all of the previous purported-to-be imaginative "nerdgasms" - with ease! (Those who criticize some of the most daring choices made on the soundtrack -Pitbull, namely but not only him; synthetizers appear to be out of favor, nowadays, with some? What is this world getting to... At least I saw no one pick on Sigur Ros or Roy Orbison! They better not! Grrrrr!- and then they'll lament "lack of originality" and such: well, they are undecided pricks, that's all! There is your originality, you clods! Embrace it! Immerse yourselves in it! Buy the soundtrack - from WaterTower Music; as it should be!)

And to see it all dismissed as potentially boring mere "world building" there only to set the stage for more of that "super-hero action" those dweebs crave so much - the kind that requires serious dosages of suspension of disbelief, in copious amounts! Truly boring slugfests that glorify nothing other than mindless violence - mindless to the extreme degree as it is made out to have no repercussions at all; when, in real life, it always does. What abysmal level of thinking is this!? What barbarism! The direct heritage of Kirby and Lee - alas! OH GOD... This is perhaps worse than seeing the stuffy, sold-out Academy snubbing this gem... perhaps (there's still time for those idiots to do the right thing - we'll hope but not hold our breath...!) 

Alas, even the positive reviews make little sense: they will rate Wonder Woman an A+, but Aquaman a B+ at best? It is even worse with the truly super-hero fan: Man of Steel, Batman VS Superman and Wonder Woman all top Aquaman...?!? Worse still: yes there is! How about those who compare this Aquaman to the awful Green Lantern of 2011...!? And Suicide Squad, and Justice League... (Why stop there, folks? Bring up Swamp Thing with Dick Durock: for the sheer comparison between Amber Heard and Heather Locklear! Oh, and STEEL: Momoa versus Shaq! Oh yeah...!) 

No... no, no!!! I tell you: Aquaman has bested all of the MCU - of course he is throning on top of the DC list too! Be logical here! Aquaman has scored an A+ with ease - nobody else! Wonder Woman is second with an A and coming in as third is Man of Steel with an A-. "BvS" is fourth with that B+ there... Justice League and Suicide Squad can tie for a B. And that Dark Knight trilogy? I give it a B+ too - no more than that! (You do not want to know how I scored the Marvels - trust me on that!)

The pits, however, have got to be some of those brain-dead imbeciles with an IMDB account: they are quite simply a bottomless pit of absurdities - the Trench creatures, maybe? Several of them post the exact same two-sentence "review" (negative, of course) with the very precise goal to lower the aggregate score the movie has obtained -so far- on that site (a 7.7 out of 10, at blogging time - very fitting for the King of the 7 Seas!) and they will lament that "though they have nothing much against the film" they cannot comprehend that score so generously attributed to it... Heck, they admit they cannot even understand the film's intrigue - thus they dismiss it as non-cohesive and messy? (One particular dweeb - that's you, kareldeboe - even claims that there is "no story whatsoever" - when the film cleverly sums up a good year and half worth of a great storyline that ran through the epic Aquaman monthly title, years ago!)  In fact, James Wan was even so gracious as to add helpful pointers so as to facilitate his audience's comprehension of where they were in the story and what was going on: the dialogue is detailed to the extreme. There is geo-location mapping, all throughout! We see it flash on-screen, each time a new locale is about to be explored: "Secret Sea - Earth's Core" for example! (And it is far more useful here than it was to know it was "London... UNITED KINGDOM" in Black Panther, for instance! Was there really someone wondering it was another London, perhaps?) There is meticulous attention not to lose the viewer - every detail flows into the next with great fluidity - as Aquaman would want it!  That is true even with the flashbacks, for God's sake! And what are some of those nincompoops saying now: "there is no story" or "cringey and uninventive" or even "bruuuuuh"...?!? Hell, one idiot -calls himself Uberiffic LOL- even claims "one of the dumbest plot twists ever in the history of cinema" would be found here: whaaaaaaat?!? It's a straight-forward epic saga: there are no plot twists here! WHAT DRUGS ARE YOU ON??? Oh, right - Marvelite... (Another one - calls himself Unimatrix_Zero on IMDB; yeah, you're a zero alright!- says that "relentless platitudes felt like we, the viewers, were treated as idiots" - well, it is perhaps because you are, indeed!!! What platitudes" dude? Did you see the same movie as we did? It is non-stop action!!! And what you see as "juvenile, embarrassing" and awkward is actually a realistic portrayal of ANOTHER CULTURE - ever thought there is more than just one, on this damn planet, HUH? You must be an American blowhard... Zero!!! And that renders your opinion null and void - like zero!)

Hey, you ninnies - it is not Aquaman's (or AquaWan's) fault that your I.Q. is not up to par here and that you can only comprehend, in effect, super-heroic shenanigans that can be summed up with the onomatopeias of choice in the field: "BANG," "CRASH" and "WHAMMO!" --- idiots!!! 

Another idiot didn't even get a key moment in the film (hint: it was all said through dialogue) and bases most if not all of his so-called "review" on that incomprehension on his part: proving only that he is an idiot, nothing else! (Orm's refined language must have been too much for him to bear - another guy called it "campy" when it only comes close to that when he flashes a forced grin at the very end!!! SPOILERS - blame it on the moron! No - not Orm!)  To be fair, for every bad reviewer, there is a good one too; this time, the campaign is evenly spread, it would seem! What has turned the tide is that many non-superhero fans have come to appreciate this effort: James Wan fans, Patrick Wilson fans, fantasy fans - and Jason Momoa admiratrices - admittedly! Amber Heard admirers, too... they must exist! And Nicole - she has a fanbase as well! All of these combined to push this film where no DCEU film has ever gone; not the damnable Dark Knight, 7 years ago! 

The pure blood, rightful king of Atlantis - Orm Marius - got a gift! 

An offering from the land of the Aquamen, ironically: 

the Miami Dolphins fanbase, Florida!  

See: there are Pat Wilson Fans out there! 

And Wilson is having a great time playing off this role; 

in social media, on live appearances, on talk shows... 

This is the first time one of his characters got him 

an action figure done to his likeness - so why not! 

And that it is blond - and he dyed his hair blond for it - 

not only to match Atlanna Nicole Kidman 

but to embody the actual "Aquaman Classic" look in the film... 

Well, that makes us here, at aqua musings,  

Patrick Wilson Fans too!

You can easily find the good reviews on MetaScore, RottenTomatoes and IMDB - they are the unusual high scores! (Even so, they are not the brightest light bulbs in the pack either: one is certain the villain is "Black Mantis" - not a sea creature, Manta, which makes sense; this when his grandpa is told in the film to have been the original Manta, also...!) So pretty much everybody has a low attention-span; but the sounder minds give this film a resounding "thumbs up!" (They just can't get all the facts straight - and then they say they can vote and choose a president...) Remember that they are giving this film such a high note, though, on the basis that this amazing film is considerably elevating the super-hero genre to an art form true and true (and true blue; aqua blue!) - something it still was not! What they aren't doing (like some IMDB low scores are thinking; and using to justify their low score!) is rating it so high as for it to rival Citizen Kane, The Godfather and Jesus of Nazareth! Come on, dweebs - use your brains! Aquaman is the greatest of all super-hero films ever made: but it is comparable only to films of these genres indeed - fantasy, science-fiction and the wretched bastard "super-hero" sub-genre we speak of! There is no need to destroy based on the fact that no flick from these genres ever needs apply as worthy when compared to true classics of the Seventh Art...!  What would be next: comparing Iron Man and The Icicle Thief? Pleeease...! There are enough ill-spirited morons already, out there, mobilized - out to destroy this "aquaccomplishment" with their morbid, nutso-marvelous obsession as it is...! 

A short list of those zombies should be sent to the administrators of the IMDB site - for immediate termination (Cyberdyne should be next to get the list indeed!) And that would be you: jasonb-05672, djhandroid, Dimple67, tnbrands, TakeUpReel, sonofdale, BlkBird330, rosofamily, jbramirj, chuckpw, thejing-32696, crzellmer, yashwanth_g, theeroos, adamallstar18, lindaharrison-27010, miltonrodriguez-39395, keithsealy and jonathanmarklund (oh, at least four morons that appear to use their real names on there - just a maybe there, though - bravo, fearless imbeciles!) An incomparable assemblage of ludicrous minds and opinions - the likes of which we can only see on sitcoms like Big Bang Theory indeed! (The latter two would be the Leonard and Sheldon of the bunch!) All of these fools deserve a trip to the The Trench! (Trust me, dweebs: unlike Atlanna, you will not survive... (Yes, ATLANNA; not "Atalanta" like some morons typed up her name! Others cannot grasp "Momoa" - it becomes "Momoah" in the best instances...! "Amber Heard" appears to be too difficult a name to memorize, too! I worry for what will happen to Temuera or Dolph...! But let us not go there right now...) 

Let us savor the regal triumph, rather!

FOR, ULTIMATELY, 

IT MATTERS NOT WHAT 

"THEY" SAY - 

WHOEVER THEY MAY BE! 

AQUAMAN 

IS RULING THE WAVES 

OF CINEMA-GOING NOW: 

WITH STYLE, 

QUALITY 

AND A TRUE EPIC 

FOR THE TIMES 

WE LIVE IN! 
(not make-believe, pseudo-dramatic drivel 
à la Marvel - hahahahaha!)

In the end, all of those Marvel Cinematic Universe films that preceded him - the Iron Men, Thors, Captains America, Black Panthers, Ant-Men, Guardians of the Galaxy, Avengers --- they only set the stage for AQUAMAN to totally redefine, improve and perfect this bastard genre that is called "the super-hero movie"...!!! 

TAKE THAT, DISNEY!!! 

Aqua Age

Aye, 'tis is truly an Aqua Age that we live in - and the oceans have never been in sorrier state than they are in at the present time either! Quite distressing, depressing and disheartening, is it not? This are the times that we wish we'd have ''The Aquaman'' swimming around to keep us in check - stop those trawlers from illegally plundering our oceans of all of its denizens - mere ''fishstock'' for us, surface-dwellers, but vital components of a complex ecosystem... down below! "The Aquaman" to put a damper in the joy of those polluters who dump tons of plastics in the oceans each and every day!  ''The Aquaman'' (as he is referred to by Ben Affleck - the Battafflack himself - in the landmark Justice League movie out right now in a theater near you! If Disney didn't buy out all the venues  around your block for their Coco and subsequent Star Wars rehash, that is!)  oh yes, how much is ''The Aquaman'' (and his voluptuous Mera) needed these days...?

For it's not just the illegal whale-hunters and fishermen who exaggerate that need being put back in their place the way ''The Aquaman'' does to one such of the former category, in a memorable scene of the aforementioned Justice League movie (scoop! No spoilers!) and various forms of pollutive ways that we, surface-dwellers, take to the seas without the slightest care whatsoever...

No, folks - there is MORE... And how many things will we have to repeat that, too - before it *sinks in* finally? There are those who treat the seas as both a dump *and* an endless source of nutrients - as contradictory as it is! Would you dump harmful chemicals into your food source? Does it make sense to do so? Well...  Take a long hard look in the mirror right now - and call yourselves obtuse fools already! And trust me now -it will be a no-brainer in a second too - it is better to have told to you by a blogger than to have it brought up *in your face* style by "The Aquaman" - if he existed! 

WATCH OUT, 

POLLUTERS OF THE SEA! 

A RECKONING IS AT HAND... 

YOU CAN BE SURE OF IT 

Having said all that, and be it as it surely may...  

There are quite the lot of "aquamusement" to be had, still, out there 

with all the perky news bits that jump out at you  

from the murky depths of despair, 

though they are... 

T.O.  ... and Great Whites... right. 

... further evidence that we are living, 

against all aquatic odds verily 

and outside of rhyme, reason and the Rhine, 

still, somehow, in an Aqua Age - 

even local businesses north of T.O. 

adopt sea creatures as their emblem, 

totem or mere muse/mascot...

(well, they are French Frogs after all) 

HELL, EVEN THE EMPIRE 

LOVES FISH NUGGETS! 

They're part of the problem; 

they plunder the seas, too... 

... well. okay, not exclusively the seas; 

but who's to say these are not 

Chicken of the Sea nuggets - huh? 

No, not this chicken of the sea... 

' Chicken Of The Sea' by Iris Scott Painting  

as seen on WAYFAIR...

(click here) 

This one!

(AS EVIL A SIREN AS THE ONE WHO SELLS COFFEE - ALAS!)

(Dolphin-safe; but has killed gazillions of tuna fishies!)

The aquamusing thing about it is: 

they did listen to me (again) 

stealing my ideas (again) 

and giving ol' Aquaman far better lines 

than he was attributed at first, 

in that trailer 1.0; 

it went from ''oh, we're all gonna die'' 

to the truly regal speech 

''wanna know what I think?

I think we're all going to die! 

And that's fine with me!''

before he starts telling them 

about LIFE 

- the life that he wants to live!

Tell 'em, King... pardon... Emperor Aquaman!

Ahoy...  'Tis probably social media's way 

to announce and proclaim that 

the Age of the Aquaficionada 

has indeed arrived - aye! 

Aqua Anna will be delighted... 

Anyhow - she is banned from these waters now! 

Onwards to *other* Aquaficionadas! 

Aquaficionadas who read the Bible: 

Aquaficionadas who shower 

ten times a day! 

Aquaficionadas... with aqua eyes 

such as this young lady 

(Raudha is her name - 

as told to us by SOTIE...)

 Raudha is the kind of aquaficionada 

 that gives us hope for the future; 

 the hope that all will see the importance 

 of our eco-environment  

 as clearly as she does - 

through her aqua-blue eyes... 

and in other news...

Hence, despite it unquestionably being 

the Age of Aquarius and all, 

TIMES ARE DIRE FOR THE SEA 

and all things aquatic! 

HOWEVER, 

it is not time to sink into despair; 

follow the man's lead and say NO!

Thank you, Jake Beeson! 

And thank you, Aquaman! 

#NoToPlasticBottles 

Aqua Nostalgia

Is it nostalgia (of many bygone eras in literature, the popularity of certain genres and the characters that they've begotten at the onset of the age of printing, verily...!) or what...?  (lest we spell it ''OUAT'' indeed; for both the reason and explanation for that, read on! But know this: we very nearly titled this one quite simply ''Aqua What?!?'' and it will become obvious why soon enough!)

Marvel (no pun intended here - absolutely not) at the assemblage here: Ariel, Hans Christian Andersen's Little Mermaid, on-board Captain Nemo's Nautilus along with Captain Hook (Peter Pan's nemesis, yes) Aladdin (in lieu of Sinbad, perhaps?) and Jasmine (a fellow princess after all and she must be by Aladdin's side; of course) - and all of these with distinct ties to the likes of Rumplestiltskin, Jafar, Maleficent, Snow White and more - many more!

Verily, there had ne'er been such a forced assemblage 

ever, in the history of the Empire - 

not since the Duck & the Mouse teamed up with 

George & Artoo... 

One would be lying if one was to blog here that, to see this sort of gathering, is not bringing forth some bizarre sense of euphoria, in truth... For it is: all manners (almost) of aquatic-based or related characters - from the sea-faring pirate Hook to the Little Mermaid herself - all mish-mashed together in the same somewhat incoherent (not to mention repetitive; but that is the nature of the beast) odd story that further assembles all manners of fairy tale protagonists, great and small...

Who didn't dream of seeing this sort of thing... hmm?

I know that I sure did - although, as those who have actually read it know - mine was a little and a lot different! I steered clear of fairy tale material, save for the occasional clin d'oeil to it... My gathering of aquatic characters had more of an Atlantean feel to it, of course - mythical in that sense, not in any fairy tale sense. Granted, for many, Plato's Atlantis is of the same ilk - and to them I say... frag off! Atlantis is a myth of a higher order - mythological order! My second take on this sort of thing was all that - and, this time, I'll rather dispense some aqua fortis for those who don't know of it! My third take strayed away from any feeling that notables were being gathered in any aspect, in any way - for it focused solely on the lost continent itself. But those are other stories...

For, here, we have got something vastly different from any of my numerous luminous projects -  here, it is abc, owned by Disney, possessed of a clear-cut and very obvious mandate (some will say agenda - we'll get back to that in a jiffy here! I said jiffy; not Jafar!) on top of maximizing profit with as little investment as possible in the actual content they broadcast... It's the same for everyone else in this game, of course - we're not saying it's only Disney that does it (and it would be absurd for you to even begin to insinuate that it's what we're saying here - you dumb tinkerbells!) for it is le goût du jour - the popular thing to do and the fashion trend, these days! Everywhere and everything has to give out that impression of ''this is a once-in-a-lifetime event'' gathering all-stars of whatever ilk!

...some do not make as lasting an impression as others, though...

Huntsman: gone but not forgotten!

You gotta take somebody as an example - single out somebody, at some point...! And it has to be the mighty mouseketeer (mouse racketeer?) as this is the home of the show that saw all of these sea-based characters cross paths eventually; when they never have before - perhaps never should have either! (Verily, the only one missing... is Aquaman! He will remain a no-show, I believe!)

OUAT - a.k.a. ''Once Upon A Time'' but we would rather call it, here on our beloved aquamusings, DCCOUATFTMF (for ''Disney Channel's Crappy Once Upon A Time Fairy Tale Makeover Fest'' - yeah, okay, we won't - but only because it is way too long!) - has been doing this since, what is it now... 2008 or 2009, hence it is seven or eight seasons already!  In that span of time, they've managed to make the Evil Queen that gave the poisoned apple to Snow White become a FAN FAVORITE - and a good woman too! Hell, even Rumpelstiltskin has shown his softer side on several occasions and is both a mainstay and a favorite as well on the show. Fan fiction abounds about that formerly-evil Queen character and Snow White's daughter taking their relationship to a bold new level never before seen in any fairy tale at all. Speaking of which, they also thought of matching up the formerly innocent and Little Red Ridinghood with an equally-innocent (once - not anymore) character we all remember fondly - and is forever altered now, in our minds. Thanks, Disney!!!

The only thing one can be thankful for, here, is that, this time -somehow- the wink-wink sort-of adult makeover and twist did not end up making lesbian lovers out of two classic fairy tale protagonists who had never met before in their fictional lives - like it did, some episodes earlier, out of Little (well, not-so-little anymore) Red Ridinghood and Dorothy - yes, that Dorothy, who wasn't in Kansas anymore and was obviously off to see the wizard, the wonderful wizard of Oz here - and a few tatas along the way as well, it would appear! Disney wouldn't go this far, not this time -despite their clear and obvious LGBTQ agenda, that is- and make a live-action version of their precious Disney Princesses locking lips out of the blue... Even though fans have done just that already, using the source material itself, in various forms of fan fiction as previously mentioned...

No, in this latest gathering of note, sweet innocent princesses Ariel and Jasmine keep their hands (and lips) off each other - and, with the actress who portrayed the former having moved on to her own show this fall (starring opposite the late, great John Ritter's son) it is very doubtful that will ever change. They wouldn't bring back her character just for that - would they?!?  A ménage-à-trois with Ariel, Jasmine and Aladdin?!? Noooooooooo...

Rest assured, though: we don't want to give Disney any ideas and they will not take any of those anyways (live with it, fan fiction scribes...!)

Ohh, what big eyes you have, Ariel...! Fish Eyes?!?

Actress JoAnna Garcia Swisher did not sign up for this sort of stuff - and neither did the actress portraying Jasmine (you google that!) who was the true hero of the day outwitting Jafar, the evil genie (aren't they all - djinn is just another name for demon, after all and all Aladdin ever was, was a different twist on the tale of Faust...! An Arabic twist on it; just like Sinbad was one of Odysseus! But that is another story again; one that Disney will choose to completely ignore, either way! Thus we will refrain from dwelling too long upon that...!)

The question begs to be asked, however: what is all this? What has triggered it all? Is it pure, classic nostalgia that has brought various creative and executive minds to embark upon this rewriting frenzy, adapting and transforming all of this old, beloved, time-honored material into something more... contemporary, tacky and risqué? ''OUAT'' did so on par with recent such efforts as ''LXG'' (League of, alternatively, Distinguished or Extraordinary Gentlemen''...! Drop the ''E'' from extraordinary and you've got it!) and several more cartoony efforts along the lines of ''Monsters In My Pocket'' for but one example...! All of them wind up but one thing: an odd mish-mash of influences trying to grasp the best elements from all sides involved - or pillaged!  And speaking of pillaging, the long-standing series of films (both already set and to come) cannot resist but to try to be that ''one nexus where it all comes together'' - we see it in the new Universal Monsters revival kicked off with The Mummy - a few years after a Dracula no one cared much for... And we saw it in everything from Pirates of the Caribbean to Star Wars - each universe wants to be ''THE'' place where it all is happening!  One cannot blame ''OUAT'' to want to try too; just like Pirates and Wars and other properties as well, they are part of the Disney Empire, where everything should converge... right, Walt?

Ultimately, it is all fine and dandy too; audiences can pick and choose which rendition is more suited to their tastes! And it all reeks of the creative minds that toil behind all of these properties' very own nostalgia of the fairy tale material of their youth - when they, too, were at the mercy of what Hollywood had to offer them, at the time. Nostalgia can be a powerful force that spurs us forward to accomplish what, we may feel, was never properly done before. For those who thought there never was a legitimately dastardly Hook on-screen, silver or small - there was the cue. For anyone who felt like re-doing from scratch the classic battle of Argonauts versus Skeletons that Ray Harryhausen masterfully delivered - there were Hercules, The Legendary Journeys and Xena: Warrior Princess in the nineties! And one must admit that this Swisher gal is the most faithful yet modern embodiment of the Little Mermaid anyone has ever seen on any screen - ever!

Although Ariel Winter appears primed and ready to give 

JoAnna Garcia Swisher a run for her money - and the part she left behind, 

in Storybrooke - is it?!? Or is it Smallville? Gotham? Roswell? 

All of my blogs tend to have a certain flair and aura of nostalgia to them; you have but to check them all out, one by one, to see that!  It may a trifle time-consuming to do so, but really - it is worth it! Many wondrous things to behold there; to thrill you, to enjoy! The self-proclaimed ''TLB Prime Network'' is rife with these things; merriment, thrills, chills, joy and saudade...! Here, on aqua musings, it invariably takes the form of three very specific things: my life-long attraction to the sea and all of its mysteries, legends and folklore. Then there is the childhood heroes, always of the sea - from Ulysses to the Argonauts to the protagonists of Os Lusiadas to Popeye, Sinbad and Aquaman! Finally, there were my own sea-based deities: ranging, this time, from cartoony creations to mesmerizing siren-like Aquaficionadas!  Hence, you see - one such as me truly doesn't need any ''OUAT'' to come along and gather up a handful of water-logged characters plucked out of three different sources and merge their worlds together in a wishy-washy story at best...!

I can find far better - out there! The seas are so vast... And there have been quite a long list of creative minds that have, just like me, been inspired by the mythology of the waters below...

Some recent and some not-so recent examples shall stir back memories - and set things right too!

Aqualorius / Водяной (2009) by all_crimea

http://www.dailymotion.com/video/x3i7psv

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Aquamarine is another bright -if not luminous- example...

That is, admittedly, a whole other story; 

the fact that it was a ''D.C.'' who directed it - 

a classic of fantasy cinema... 

But that is for further analysis on another blog - 

one administered jointly with a certain Ty...

But you want to see pure, unbridled nostalgia 

- set to the tune of aqua? 

Here it is:

 ~ And they all live on in the ultimate ~ 

 °AQUAFICIONADA° 

 ~ emblematic of them all ~ 

Buy your commemorative t-shirt NOW - 

available for a short time only! 

Click HERE.