Saturday, December 06, 2014

Are Aquaficionadas... Exhibitionist-as?

Evidence speaks louder than anything... right?





















Even THE LITTLE MERMAID...!!!



Well...
They might be a bit of something else too...
Can you spell *nymphomaniacs* here...???


Is this true... AQUAMAN?



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Wednesday, January 29, 2014

A ''B.C.'' Acting Like A ''D.C.''

 How aquamusing is that... 


Bee Cave Blackjack Casino Slots basically chose to reproduce an Atlantis much like DC's in its fancy thematic game ''K.o.A'' and not any other version of the famed lost continent - certainly not Marvel's! Now, try and explain that, all you idiotic nitwits stuck up on the mere fact that some pointy-eared freakazoid who only foreshadows the Impossible Man and stole, in the murky process initiated by Bill Everett, Mercury's ankle-wings schtick, Dracula's aura and quite-accidentally the still-unborn Mr. Spock's overall, ah, shall we say ''candor'' to be nice?  That misbegotten mutant of a character, purported to be a prince but only a bastard offspring from a race of pretenders, managed all that, sure, as he came to the surface a mere two years before the veritable superman of the seas, garbed in royal orange-and-green from the very get-go, It doesn't impress anyone with half-a-brain; especially since anyone with half-a-brain can see that this ''submariner'' is so obviously an inferior mimicking job of the superman they were trying to imitate in 1939. Now, two years later, Mort Weisinger and Paul Norris created a true equivalent to that superman from the stars: with their superman of the seas, eventually crowned as the king that Atlantis deserves to have, but dubbed, in an equally-mimicking effort to match that superman... aquaman. Haven't you all heard of fine tuning a concept, ironing out all the odd ideas (simply there to differentiate the main protagonist from that certain guy purported to be a Man of Steel - ha!) and finally getting it right the second time...? Hmm?

Well, whoever they are, the guys in that Bee Cave did the right thing (just as the current crop of Dastardly Contributors who were given the mandate to ''make Aquaman a top priority character'' as their company expands its live action horizons... Again - ha! Too late to interest *me* however - who only saw all of those flicks (The Avengers, Iron Men 1 through 3, The Dark Knight trilogy, Man of Steel, Thor, all those crappy Hulks, Spider-Man, Captain America and even The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen...!) only when it was free for me to watch them...! But that's another story...)  The Blackjack Casino slots (pun aquamusingly intended) have therefore proven to have much better taste and, heck, they have plain common sense: as they went with a blond, musclebound merman to champion their ''Kingdom of Atlantis'' (coupled with a dark-haired mermaid - no redheads, alas! Oh, wait; they couldn't resist: they have them too! Mera is flattered...) instead of any scrawny freak with pointy ears for alienesque feel and the most ridiculous wings ever, just for the bogus feeling of ''originality'' - which is totally misleading, too! ''Namor'' has more in common with Pan (not Peter) than he does with anything from Atlantis! Neptune would have never taken in such an illegitimate scion...!!! He would have impaled the bastard with his trident instead and left that skeletonesque figure to rot in the tidal waves! But that's another story...


The kinship between the sea king and sea god 
(Poseidon, above -  no, that is NOT Zeus!)
is quite obvious to aaaaaaall...



Besides, and quite ironically enough too
(as it burns the butts of those prone to defend the
least worthy member of the Defenders -
again, ironically* enough...)
the actual original god of the seas
(not to offend fans of Aegir)
Poseidon is firmly behind AQ - again! -
judging from the KoA visuals above... 
Who you're gonna believe: wet-behind-the-ear rat critics 
or the actual god of the sea?!?


In other aqua news... 

from the man, the myth, the mark himself -
producer of the Aquaman-related Entourage 
and self-proclaimed NEVER to be an Aquaman 
or royalty of any kind whatsoever...
He may a Duke of Wahlburgers in Boston, however...!


So this is how Marky burns the fat, eh...
His buddy Ultimate Man spilled the beans on it... 

Ultimate Man CA
Expert nutritịonist expoṣes “groundbreaking" new ṃiracle fọod 
that destrọys stubbọrn faṭ for Men
Mark Wahlberg’s Miracle Ṅatural Ḟat Ḃurner Revealed!
Click For More (above!)

1000’s of men are ṛapidly shedḍing ḟat
and dropṗing ẉeight every day in record time 
eaṭing this odd natụral ingredịent as used by Celebrities
(...)


Yeah - apparently Wolverine is using this, too...

Hugh Jackman claims this was a 'game changer' 
in the battle to stay lean in his mid 40's. 
He has, for some time now, used the combo 
to stay lean particularly whilst bulking up for films. 
According to him, "after your mid 20's 
it becomes increasingly difficult to stay slim. 
This combo is a lifesaver".



Sure is, Wolvie: 
just watch your popularity go the same way 
the Terminator's went, as he got old 
-  or rusty - or both! 
Which would explain why you imitated AQ 
when he lost his hand; you lost yours
Changes the game, 
flexes ''BEACH MUSCLE'' 
(though weakling idiots such as Seth Mac 
haven't got a clue what that might be like...)
*and* it potentially boosts 
your sagging popularity too, eh? 
Makes complete and absolute sense...

But that's another story...

* Now... 
I would be remiss if I did not reaffirm my belief 
and deep conviction, before we swim away, that 
the true least worthy member of the Deafs 
is really... that awful Strange Doc. 
Followed by Subby, followed by ''Hellcat''...
And that list could go on and on, really...
A hell of a lot of Hellions there, you know!

As for the JUSTICE LEAGUE - 
the least worthy members are so obvious: 
Atom... Hawkman... BATMAN. 

But that's another (silly) story...
like all those games out there!







In closing, something WORTHY OF AQUA MUSINGS... 

A WORD 
FROM A TRUE DENIZEN OF THE SEA:



Got that, MARINELAND...?
''Shut it down! Shut it down! Shut it down!''


...but that`s another story too...

+++

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Monday, February 22, 1993

Aquaman Vs. Aquarian

``Who is more Jesus Christ-like?``
 how about that as a sub-title 
(no subby reference nor pun inferred here, though - nope!)

First the two pretenders...
You know them well - you know who they are...

AQUAMAN

He`s a DC.

Looks like we blinked and missed a major DC/Marvel 
crossover event again - an umpteenth one! 
For it looks like Aquaman punching out Terrax here - 
the once and future herald of Galactus?
Yeah - that Terrax!
Unless it`s just good ol` Kalibak again...
Shades of Super Powers...!


AQUARIAN

He`s a Marvel (or a Timely?)

Very luminous fella, we must say...
We like his style - because it is *our* style, primarily! 
Long-haired new-style (new wave?) hippie 
for the New Age...!
Garbed all in white - like we would everyday...
if we could! Or if we dared...
And with... well, weird, not-easily defined 
magical powers...


AQUAMAN 
is a team player.
As such, when he acquired magical powers 
or, shall we say, properties of his own, 
he sort of became the de facto transporter of the group 
as well as the much-sought after and preferred option 
to deal with (mostly undo) magic spells 
placed upon the most powerful members 
of the Justice League - 
basically nullifying their powers; aye, 
those were the glory days of the water hand!

Talk to The Hand...

which acted basically the same as this does: 


And isn`t it funny that this is ``beyond a bandage`` 
- as both Aquaman and (especially) Aquarian 
remind us of The Beyonder with all this 
healing stuff...!!!

It made sense that an AQUAMAN would have such a 
HEALING HAND - in the form of a WATER HAND!
And as the ``Waterbearer`` Aquaman was 
totally the League`s very own... Aquarian! 

Before Aquaman got a haircut and saw this cool 
water hand being bestowed upon himself 
by the Lady of the Lake herself, 
he had long hair and a beard to match - 
the exact same look adopted by the 
Aquarian in his next evolutive stage; 
his last evolutive stage, it would appear!
For he has achieved perfection itself:
looking like an Angel for some, 
like The Seraph for certain DC fans,
and like The Christ Himself for others 
(such as... us!)
and being non-violent while resolving conflicts
in ways the Sea King (in his function of regal diplomat)
can only dream of ever attaining!
Plus, ``Wundarr`` The Aquarian 
doubles as a hors-pair persuader too...
(we cannot stop thinking, though, ``Wundarr`` 
being a name purposely intended to be 
the complete opposite of 
Thundarr The Barbarian -
 doubly ironic since the latter looks more civilized 
and evolved now, being clean-shaven 
for the cartoon crowd; and, on top of that, 
Aquaman was likened to a sort of 
``Conan of the Seas`` in his days with a beard 
and ``harpoon hand`` that was replaced by the 
healing waterbearer hand - during the PAD era!)



UPDATE: TRIPLE IRONY... since they cast a gruffy, buffy (?) actor 
to become AQUAMAN - the exact same guy who was CONAN 
The Barbarian in the 2011 remake of that film...!




Aquaman`s Jesus Aura 
stems most of all from his great resemblance with 
all the sea deities he is effectively replacing: 
Poseidon... Greek god of the ocean!
Aegir... sea deity of the Norsemen!
Neptune, Roman god of the ocean and mere
diluted rip-off is, ironically, replaced by the other guy; 
you know who - the one who was conceived as a 
anti-carbon copy of Superman, just to avoid any 
and all possible lawsuits...? 
This creative type off the coast of Maine - Bill -
was somewhat paranoid about those...
Mort Weisinger and his buddy Paul Norris 
had no such concerns, from their lofty offices 
in high-rise buildings in NYC...
But that`s another story!


The Sea King`s look morphs with time, 
incorporating elements of Atlantean lore 
(reputedly, they are - and this is since the publication 
of the Atlantis Chronicles
drawn by Esteban Maroto 
and reputedly written by Peter David - 
but weren`t they all written for him already? 
Suspension of disbelief is strong here... lol)


Aquaman remains a team player, despite the mood swings 
and royal temperament coming to the surface, too... 
Aquarian, however, only ever teamed up with one other 
``superhero`` - and that is his pal Ben Grimm...
That`s right: the blue-eyed, ever lovin` Thing!
We see him relaxing with his family on the beach here, 
with that pale carbon copy of an Ubermensch 
looking on in abject and pathetic envy...


Some fans completely ignored Aquarian and went straight to Aquaman 
when it came time to concoct another one of them 
``who would win if they fight for no reason at all`` 
...ah... contests of champions, shall we say...?


Aquaman versus The Thing - 
a pointless match-up of two hard-luck heroes!
They should be buddies, actually...! 
(Team up and take down irksome pointy ears there  
- and Solomon Grundy!)
Knowing them as we do, though, it is clear 
that neither one would want to ``buddy up`` here...
It truly would be clobbering time!
But that is another story again...


In other incarnations (not reincarnations) 
Aquaman may approach the level of sanctity required though: 
the Aquaman of Australia circa 2055 or so (?) 
and the Aquaman 1 Million dude, from planet Neptune 
both appear to be ultra-cool under pressure...
Such tremendous inner peace emanated from the latter! 
And the former was just plain cool - mate!
Not our Sea King, though: he`s a hot head...


Plus, with the myriad of alternative timelines, 
multiplicity of universes (boy, what an oxymoron!) 
so many alternative facts (!!!) depending on the time 
or the space occupied by whatever incarnation 
of these characters, on any given publication 
(and at any alleged scribe`s slightest whim and fancy) 
AQUAMAN may have been... Adulterous Aquaman. 
On MORE than ONE occasion too...
There is no such sin on the record of our Aquarian here.


Aye, the fact of the matter remains, 
despite the looks and colors matching with Christ, oftentimes, 
deep down (!) Aquaman`s temperament is more akin to 
that of a Ben Grimm indeed 
(ironically enough amalgamated with that of Casanova!)
- while the Marvel here, Aquarian, is totally Christ-like.




Truly, the only thing missing for Aquarian 
to fully achieve the Christ rip-offery, 
is for him to sacrifice himself 
for the good cause...


Winner, therefore: 
AQUARIAN.

Aquaman could be his St. Peter though... lol


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~My Mer-name is Glaucus Bioluminescence. Wow ~ even the Mer~folk agree that I am luminous! ~They identify me with a minor sea~deity though: Glaukos has nothing to do with glaucoma, at least ~~~ (thank God! The REAL GOD!) ~~~~ Oh... no; Glaukos gave its color to glaucoma... :( ~~ well, says they! ~~~~~~~~ Aegir, Poseidon, Triton and scores of others are more powerful than him, anyway... so there! Everything will be fine! The Aquaficionadas are on my side! :)
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  1. IN THE END (Linkin Park)
  2. ATLANTIS EVOLUTION (E3 2K4 TRAILER) (Game Trailers)
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  4. ADMIRAL OF THE SEA (Nova Mob)
  5. HANG IN LONG ENOUGH (Phil Collins)
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  7. BEYOND THE SEA (Bobby Darin)
  8. PLEASE STAND UP (British Sea Power)
  9. IT ENDED ON AN OILY STAGE (British Sea Power)
  10. TIDAL WAVE (Longwave)
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  14. TIME (Hootie And The Blowfish)
  15. THANK U (Alanis Morissette)
  16. NO MORE TEARS (Ozzy Osbourne)
  17. MAN OF A THOUSAND FACES (Marillion)
  18. IN THE CROSSFIRE (Starsailor)
  19. DRIFTING AND FALLING (The Ocean Blue)
  20. BLINDED BY THE SUN (The Seahorses)
  21. HARD ROAD (The Shore)
  22. GREAT OCEAN (Dan Dyer)
  23. OCEANIA (Bjork)
  24. OCEAN (Hanna-McEuen)
  25. OCEANS AND BLUE SKIES (Swallow)
  26. 1,000 OCEANS (Tori Amos)
  27. SAIL THOSE SAME OCEANS (Russell Crowe And 30 Odd Foot Of Grunts)
  28. OCEANO (LIVE) (Josh Groban)
  29. YOU'RE AN OCEAN (Fastball)
  30. AQUANOX 2: REVELATION (E3 2K3 TRAILER) (Game Trailers)
  31. AQUANOX: THE ANGEL'S TEARS (TRAILER) (Game Trailers)
  32. SUPER RAD (The Aquabats)
  33. BRIGHTER THAN SUNSHINE (Aqualung)
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... An LP Anthem to the end of a childhood dream...? By LP...
... and assorted aquatic tunes for your listening pleasure... (l.p.)...!
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Weep, batty ones! ;)


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