Tuesday, February 18, 2014

Aqua Inc.

In our neverending quest to reunite any and all things *aqua* here on, we've decided to outright endorse quite a lot of them in the process - so let's see what their reaction will be now: either, aquamusingly enough, they'll offer up free samples (at least) or they will kindly ask us to cease and desist already...! #ItDoesntReallyMatterAnyway

 All manners of aquatic products are to be found out there - across the seven seas and five continents interspersed between them, of course- and we, at aquamusings, would simply be remiss if we didn't talk about them all (that is, if we cannot exactly try them all, too...!)

Thus, here we go again, trying to round them all up for one and all's aquamusement - and more!

Because, beyond mere merriment; these are actually good for you - very good for you!

(And do not hesitate to let us know about any other aquaproducts you'd like to see included here in future installments of ''Aqua INC''...!)

We have got to start with the primary material, the source itself: h 2 o...


Photo courtesy of Associated Press - cropped! 
Surely the AP will not have any problems with our cropping
just as a certain town up north 
has no problems whatsoever with PepsiCo 
bottling their tap water 
and reselling it for profit, 
under the attractive label and name of...

There are, however, about one billion AQUA products out there 
- of course:



We will, ah, get back to all this... and more... someday!

Now, since we speak of the not-so great, not-so untamed, 
not-so wild wild north...
Brings to mind the plight of the last 4 months...
These days, with Old Man Winter putting up quite the fight 
before he finally bows out and gives way to a Spring Chicken, 
a mere bottle of water is simply not enough...
(Especially not if it's truly no more and no less than dirty ol' tap water
chock-full of chlorine, fluoride and Lord-Knows-what...
But that's another story...)
One might have some congestion up in the ol' snoozer there -
and then, what one really needs is sea water
Hey, we've plundered all the contents of the oceans 
(with the exceptions of the deepest, farthest reaches of them: 
Davy Jones' Locker and Marianna's Trench can wait?!?) 
we need to make ample use of what they're made of, also! 
Thus, after depleting the coral, algae and fish stock, 
let's continue making intelligent use of sea water itself -
for there is nothing better to unstuff our noses!
There are, at least, a couple of good products 
that prove that, day in and day out, on the market today: 

HydraSense - yes, it makes sense!
(You want to join their exclusive Dolphins Club - you know you do!)
And... Otrivin!
(Say it like this: ''Ohh-Tree-V-ahn'')

You can even get a 3$ off coupon for this ''aquaproduct'' - here!
Wonder why they would specify that their video (seen on YouTube) 
is ''for reference only'' and say ''not to download'' it...? 
Nothing was ever said about a print screen, however - 
or free publicity given to their product! 
Hey - no need to thank us, really; 
the moment it is sea water-based, we like it!
WE LOVE IT!
We must ask, though: 
why go through the trouble of making such a cutesy video 
and creating a bonafide mascot for the product 
as we can see here:
if one then forbids access to its showcasing vehicle? 
Heck - this Otrivin Little Guy has the potential 
of becoming as big as Charlie The Tuna
and the Pillsbury Doughboy combined - but one has the feeling 
someone out there doesn't want him to be...

Oh well...

Other makers of aquaproducts do not act as such -
they rely even more heavily on their *salesman character* 
in order to ensure sweet sailing for their enterprise...
Some easy examples now: 




GYMshark... no relation to these sharx:


Now, yes, kudos to the marketing minds 
over at NeilMed and GymShark 
(though the latter's not exactly an ''aquaproduct'' 
-more of an aquatheme going there, actually-
but we just had to throw it in!)
for creating their own characters and all...
(You'd have expected something toothier than a quack,
though, especially for this product...!)
Listerine, however, going out and leasing 
the license for that duck from
'Phineas & Fern' fame... 
It sets up an unexpected as well as unlikely 
battle of the quacks on the drugstore's shelves there!
And, in choosing such a ''spokesperson'' 
that was the really easy route taken there, 
Listerine! 
Your originality of the past is long forgotten 
and, obviously, Daffy and Donald 
are no longer deemed ''cool'' enough... 
Nor is Batty, it seems! Boo-hoo.
Barbie's still in, though; 
and if anyone should know how to 
''be sweetsmart'' - it should be her, right? 
But that's another story...
Speaking of Barb, though...
Other aqua...themed -indeed- products out there 
can only be a source of aquamusement at best
... indeed:

 Thank you, Arm & Hammer - we think...


now, this inflatable product trademarked ``aqua`` for good measure 
(and we do not bring it... ah... up because the toothbrush 
-or was it some other type of battery-operated device-
fairy-mermaid from A&H looked in the slightest like 
one of those... er... dolls... no! Perish the thought!) 
rather this aqua inflatable product`s blonde model 
reminds us so much of another blonde 
and Aquaficionada we like... or used to like...




Uncanny resemblance... eh?


Howard seems to agree...?
(Wha-a-at the heck is he quacking about...?!?)
Let`s just... move on!




Now, this quack takes the cake from the other three 
that we`ve seen so far...




And how many AQUADUCKS are there out there, exactly...???
(That`s something else we`ll have to come back to - 
at some other time!)



Aye, verily...
The best category of aquaproducts remains that which rests solely on the 
true merits of its base material - which is aqua. 

Lo and behold - THIS would most certainly be 
where those DC so-called scribes got their idea, 
in the late-90s, early-notties, 
for their infamous, incredulous, 
borderline sacrilegious 
''aqua-healing-hand'' 
for their Sea King there... 
Shame on you, DC!
Amazing Spenco didn't sue...
right, AQ?
Well put there, invisible Lady Of The Lake!
Anyways... 
It was either Spenco - or Elton, we say!
Either way...  #NotOriginal

We still hope, for AQ's sake, that he gets it back
though...

Anyways...

In all this aquatic frenzy 
set up in the whirlpool of mass-consumerism 
and media-based marketing, 
we would be even more remiss 
if we failed to reminisce about 
one more aquaproduct 
that is one only by association, really, 
like so many of them are...

which always did stand apart from its competitors 
through its seemingly staunch, oh-so-natural link to the ocean 
just as its late spokesman said on numerous occasions...

Paris was overpriced - Paul's was undervalued.

Davidoff apologized for using its cool ads 
a mere few days after Paul Walker's untimely demise.
Paul would truly have been the ultimate embodiment of a Sea King; 
the bonafide materialization of an ''Aquaman'' - 
it was simply not meant to be.

ROWW on - into the great beyond...
+++

Not to end on such a downer note, though...
(Although, the ROWW bit is uplifting -
for those who get all of its nuances...)
A tiny bit (bite?) of an undertow now, then
Coupled with a quote from a seafaring (surely!) sage:
''think differently''
:)

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